When Loss Changes Everything: Grief, Guilt, and Finding Meaning After Suicide with Erin Blechman

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE, LOSS OF AN ADULT CHILD

This episode includes discussion of suicide, mental illness, depression, suicidal ideation, and grief following the loss of an adult child.

The MedLife Support Podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you or someone you know is struggling, experiencing emotional distress, or having thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If someone is in immediate danger or experiencing a medical emergency, dial 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.

Before Max Blechman became part of a conversation about suicide, he was Erin Blechman’s son. He was intelligent, creative, sensitive, compassionate, and funny. He wrote stories, poetry, and songs, published a magazine as a teenager, performed stand-up comedy, advocated for others, and had a tender heart. Most importantly, he was deeply loved.

In Episode 48 of The MedLife Support Podcast, I sit down with Erin, a speaker, Certified Grief Educator, and author of My Unexpected Journey: Reflections After Losing My Son to Suicide, for a candid conversation about loving a child through serious mental illness, losing him to suicide at age 25, and learning how to live in a world permanently changed by his absence.

When Mental Illness Affects the Entire Family

For years, Erin lived in a state of hypervigilance, waiting for the next crisis, hospitalization, or phone call. Although Max was the one experiencing major depressive disorder, anxiety, and epilepsy, the effects reached throughout the family. Erin describes the toll on her marriage, the pressure felt by Max’s younger brother, Sam, and the complicated reality of parenting a young adult whose health decisions were ultimately his own.

Her story also exposes the stigma that continues to surround mental illness. Depression is not a weakness, behavioral failure, lack of motivation, or absence of faith. Yet Erin’s family often encountered very different reactions to Max’s mental illness than they did to his epilepsy.

That distinction is especially important within medicine. Physicians and physician families are not immune to depression, mental illness, or suicide simply because they understand healthcare. Reducing stigma and creating environments where people can speak openly and seek help safely must remain part of the larger conversation about physician and family wellbeing.

Grieving the Same Person Differently

After Max died, Erin, her husband, Bill, and Sam grieved in profoundly different ways. Erin struggled to get out of bed. Bill coped by staying intensely busy. Sam turned toward physical activity and beginning his adult life. Their marriage therapist offered advice that became critical: do not judge one another for how you grieve.

Erin also speaks candidly about anger, guilt, and the relentless “what ifs” that often accompany suicide loss. Over time, she began to understand that blaming herself gave her an illusion of control over an outcome she could not control.

That realization became an important part of learning to live with a loss that could never be made okay.

Finding Meaning Without Making the Loss Okay

One of the most important distinctions Erin makes is between acceptance and approval. Accepting that Max died does not mean approving of what happened, nor does finding meaning require finding a reason for his death.

As Erin explains, “It’s not making meaning of his death. It’s making meaning of my life after his death.”

Her journal entries from the first eighteen months after losing Max eventually became My Unexpected Journey. Erin later became a Certified Grief Educator and now supports bereaved parents through online grief groups, webinars, and community education. Her family continues to honor Max through memories, a memorial garden, and Sam’s “Run for Max,” which has raised more than $150,000 for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

Perhaps one of the most important messages in this conversation is that grief does not require forgetting, and moving forward does not mean moving on. Max remains part of Erin’s family, their memories, and the life they continue to build.

His story is not simply about the way he died.

It is also about the way he lived, the people who loved him, and the meaning his life continues to hold.

ABOUT ERIN BLECHMAN

Erin Blechman is a speaker, Certified Grief Educator, and author of My Unexpected Journey: Reflections After Losing My Son to Suicide, which chronicles the eighteen months following the devastating loss of her beloved son, Max, to suicide after his long battle with mental illness.

She offers grief support to bereaved parents through online groups, webinars, and other resources. Erin also provides community talks designed to build greater understanding of mental illness, suicide loss, and grief.

Erin lives part-time in Pennsylvania and Florida with her husband, Bill, and Max’s former dog, Emmylou. Their son, Sam, and his wife, Julia, reside in Pennsylvania. My Unexpected Journey is her first book.

CONNECT WITH ERIN

Website:
https://erinblechman.com/

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/erin.blechman/

Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/erin.blechmanauthor

LinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/erin-blechman-1b45b42b0/

Learn more about Erin’s book, My Unexpected Journey: Reflections After Losing My Son to Suicide:
https://erinblechman.com/my-unexpected-journey

Learn more about Erin’s online grief support groups for bereaved parents:
https://erinblechman.com/grief-groups

Learn more about the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention:
https://www.afsp.org

Learn more about the Dr. Lorna Breen Heroes Foundation:
https://www.drlornabreen.org

Listen to Episode 48 of The MedLife Support Podcast, When Loss Changes Everything: Grief, Guilt, and Finding Meaning After Suicide with Erin Blechman, wherever you listen to podcasts.

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