The Cost of Powering Through: Midlife Health, Hormones & Reclaiming Yourself

Women become exceptionally good at functioning.

We remember the appointments. We manage the calendar. We notice what the children need before they ask. We know what is running low in the refrigerator, which form has not been signed, what needs to happen this weekend, what our partner’s schedule looks like, and the seventeen things that need to happen before anyone gets out the door tomorrow morning.

In medical families, that ability to adapt can become practically foundational to family life. Medicine is not particularly interested in whether its schedule is convenient for the people living around it, so physician spouses often become masters of flexibility. We pivot. We rearrange. We handle it.

The danger is that after enough years of handling it, overfunctioning begins to feel normal.

In Episode 52 of The MedLife Support Podcast, I sat down with functional health coach, entrepreneur, podcaster, mother of four, and medical mom Erin Trier to talk about what happens when a woman who has become very good at powering through reaches a season when her body is no longer willing to cooperate.

And although hormones are an important part of this conversation, this episode is really about something much bigger.

When “I Can Handle It” Becomes the Problem

Erin described a period in her own life when she began experiencing changes she could no longer explain away. Her mood changed. Anxiety became intense. Her energy disappeared. She experienced brain fog, physical changes, and the unsettling sense that she did not recognize herself.

What made the experience particularly frustrating was that she had not suddenly stopped caring for herself. The habits she believed were healthy were still there. What had changed was her body—and the season of life she was asking those habits to support.

That distinction matters.

We often approach wellness as though there must be one correct formula. Find the right diet. Follow the right workout. Wake up earlier. Take the supplement. Eliminate the food. Add the routine. Download the program.

Then, when the formula stops working, women frequently conclude that they are the problem.

Erin sees midlife differently. She describes it as a period that often requires substantial “unlearning”—questioning old assumptions about health and recognizing that female physiology, individual history, stress exposure, lifestyle, and changing circumstances all matter.

That is an important shift from asking, “Why can’t I make this work anymore?” to asking, “What does my body and my life require now?”

The Problem May Be Visible on Your Calendar

One of my favorite parts of our conversation had nothing to do with an elaborate wellness protocol.

Erin told women to look at their calendars.

Not metaphorically. Literally.

Take a blank week and account for where your time is actually going. Work. Children. Meetings. Practices. Meals. Driving. Household responsibilities. Appointments. Activities. Obligations. Everything.

Then look for the white space.

Erin explained that many of the women she works with discover something remarkably straightforward: there isn’t any.

That realization produced one of the strongest statements in our conversation:

“This is exactly why I’m overwhelmed. This is exactly why I’m burned out. This is exactly why I feel like I have no time because I have no white space.”

For physician spouses, I think this exercise can be particularly revealing. We cannot control a call schedule, an emergency, a case that runs late, or many of the structural demands medicine places on our families. But that does not mean every remaining inch of our own calendar needs to be surrendered too.

Creating white space is not simply about finding time to exercise. It may mean protecting lunch instead of eating in the car, finally making the appointment you have postponed for six months, taking a walk, sitting quietly, or simply having a portion of the day that does not belong to somebody else.

Erin’s recommendation is to reverse the usual process: schedule some of that space first rather than hoping there will be something left over for you.

Because there usually isn’t.

Her time-audit discussion—and the specific recommendation to schedule personal white space as a non-negotiable rather than reactively trying to squeeze it into an already full life—is one of the episode’s central practical takeaways.

The Invisible Load Still Counts

Our conversation eventually moved from the calendar into relationships, because the two are rarely separate.

When I asked Erin what one piece of advice she would give physicians and their families to help them stay connected through the chaos, her answer was communication.

That may sound obvious until we consider what families are not communicating about.

Who is keeping track of the children’s schedules? Who notices that something needs to be purchased? Who is anticipating next week’s logistics? Who remembers the social obligations, appointments, forms, household tasks, medications, activities, and dozens of other details required to keep family life moving?

When couples do not actively talk about that workload, Erin pointed out, it eventually defaults to somebody.

And the emotional consequences can show up as resentment, exhaustion, frustration, and disconnection.

The invisible mental and emotional load is not separate from wellness. It is part of it. Erin specifically emphasized that open communication should include not only logistics, but honest conversations about capacity: I’m at my max. I need more help here. We need a different partnership around this.

That matters in medical marriage because communication is not simply about knowing who is picking someone up from practice. It is also about ensuring that one person has not silently become the infrastructure supporting everyone else.

Your Health Cannot Always Be the Flexible Part

Physician families live with a considerable amount of unavoidable inflexibility.

That makes it tempting for the spouse’s needs to become the flexible part.

The appointment can wait. The workout can wait. The lunch can wait. Sleep can wait. The thing you have been worried about can wait. You can wait.

Until waiting becomes the norm.

Erin encourages women to challenge the guilt associated with caring for themselves by reversing the situation. If someone you loved came to you exhausted, anxious, depleted, and saying they no longer felt like themselves, would you tell them to keep going because everyone else needed them?

Probably not.

You would look for support.

You would make room.

You would try to help.

The uncomfortable question is why women so often believe everyone they love deserves that level of care except them.

Midlife May Require More Unlearning Than Doing

There was another thread in this episode that deserves attention: the extraordinary amount of noise surrounding women’s wellness.

Eat this. Don’t eat that. Do cardio. Stop doing cardio. Lift weights. Fast. Don’t fast. Take this. Avoid that.

Erin described the wellness landscape as something of a “Wild West,” particularly for women trying to understand changing bodies in midlife. Her approach emphasizes bio-individuality—the recognition that two women can have very different histories, physiology, needs, symptoms, circumstances, and responses.

In other words, another woman’s successful wellness plan is not proof that it is the right plan for you.

Sometimes health improvement requires adding something. Sometimes it requires changing something.

And sometimes the harder work is letting go of everything you were convinced you were supposed to be doing in the first place.

Erin describes that unlearning as one of the most profound parts of her work with women.

You Were Never Supposed to Do All of This Alone

As we were nearing the end of the episode, Erin added one final thought she wished she had embraced earlier: ask for help.

That message belongs in a conversation about physician families.

Independence is valuable. Competence is valuable. Being able to manage a complicated life is valuable.

But there is a point at which competence turns into a belief that because you can carry something, you are obligated to carry it indefinitely.

You aren’t.

Help may mean asking your partner for a different division of responsibilities. It may mean outsourcing something. It may mean hiring support when financially possible, asking family for help, working with an appropriate health professional, leaning on friends, or simply acknowledging that what you are carrying has exceeded your capacity.

As Erin said near the end of our conversation:

“You are not meant to just manage it all and power through and keep on going and holding it together.”

That may be the sentence that best captures this entire episode.

Women supporting demanding families do not need another gold star for functioning while depleted.

Sometimes the healthiest thing we can do is stop proving how much we can carry.

Listen to Episode 52

Listen to “The Cost of Powering Through: Midlife Health, Hormones & Reclaiming Yourself with Erin Trier” on The MedLife Support Podcast wherever you listen to podcasts.

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ABOUT ERIN TRIER

Erin Trier is a women’s wellness and empowerment coach with a Master’s in Social Work and certifications in functional health coaching, personal training, nutrition, and women’s health and hormones. She is a mother of four, entrepreneur, medical mom, and host of the Empowered in Health Podcast. Her work focuses on helping women simplify wellness, better understand their individual needs, and build sustainable systems that support their health and lives.

Connect With Erin

Website: ErinTrier.com
Instagram: @erinktrier
Podcast: Empowered in Health
Email: erinktrier@gmail.com

Educational Disclaimer

The information discussed in this episode is intended for educational purposes and should not be considered a substitute for individualized medical evaluation, diagnosis, or treatment.